L is for Live Life!

Live Life!

Being true to my Welsh roots, today's post is a double L. Live Life is something I still need to learn to do well - I have good days when I live to the full but for quite a while now, I've just been a passenger, staring out at the world as it passes me by in a bit of a blur. I've been living for my trips to St Louis for a while now and the rest is just the necessary evil bits in between. I have to change that though, it's not good for me or my love.

I was off work for 4 years until last year and I rarely left the house. My life was lived on this box and screen we call a computer with people from all over the world. Oh, I loved a lot of it and it helped me come alive again but it still doesn't really count towards Living Life - at least, not in my head. The people are real, the voices in my headset are real but it's all a bit arm's length kind of stuff.

When I started this A to Z Challenge, it was just a way to make myself sit down and write but even over just 10 or 11 posts, I'm already feeling better. I thought I would stick to mainly gaming articles with a bit of life thrown in but actually, the topics I've been drawn to so far have been much more personal - stuff that is or has happened to me. Things I've found and want to talk about as well as explore further.

It seems so long ago that I wrote about Depression but that was only 7 posts ago but since then, I've written about Hope and Happiness, Ideas & Inspiration and now today, Live Life! I have so much more positive energy already that it's beginning to become a habit - and one I hope I can maintain!

Smell the Roses

Take time to smell the flowers, watch the birds or the clouds on a sunny day. Hold out a helping hand to a Mum strugggling with a pushchair or hold a door open for an old lady. Give a few pennies to a homeless person or a charity collector in the shopping area.

All these little things add up and if you let yourself soak them up and feel good about doing something positive, your next action will be more positive. It accumulates over time and you will feel better in yourself, you'll find yourself smiling at strangers as you pass or not having to force a smile at work when someone asks if you're ok - you will be!

I found the 100 Happy Days site via a Facebook friend the other day and although I know I won't manage 100 days, it's a great idea for anyone to try, especially if they feel a bit down after the long winter. I also picked up a book at the airport on one of my prior trips, called The Happiness Project which I finished reading before I landed at Heathrow. I've just lent it to a friend and colleague but as soon as she returns it, I'll be reading it again.

As Gretchen the author says - 'even the smallest changes can make a big difference'.

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H is for Hope, Health & Happiness

Just over two years ago, I stirred from the depths of a long dark depression, thanks in large part to the words of a wise young man in my World of Warcraft guild. He was struggling with his own demons and in my own darkness, I still managed to reach out a helping hand to him. He just needed someone sensible from outside his own little world to make sense of what was happening and of course, someone to vent to.

A little while later, I received the offer of a shoulder to cry or lean on from a relative stranger in this small blogging community. He was someone I knew of and had tweeted with on occasion but all I knew was his fearsome reputation. I think his words were along the lines of 'been there, done that, here if you need me' but they felt like a lifesaver at the time.

The first young man gave me a view of myself I'd lost along the way somewhere and he gave me hope - hope to recover and to fight this evil disease of the mind. The second man gave me some hope too but somewhere in the supportive chat, happiness started sprouting. I started to live for those late night conversations and pretty soon, the depression was just a bad memory. Happiness had moved in and looked like it was going to stay!

Then my health took a turn for the worse - I found a lump in my breast which turned out to be cancer. All my plans immediately went out the window as I faced hospital trips, tests and eventually an operation. I was super lucky though - I caught it early and they got it all when they operated so I didn't need chemotherapy or radiotherapy. I had planned to travel to visit my friend in the summer but we postponed the trip until my wound had healed. Through all of the trials, I never once looked down - I kept my eyes on those plane tickets and nothing got in my way.

Since then, my health has been fine although I had a second operation 4 months ago and will need another in the next few months. My happiness is as high as it was two years ago if not higher - every trip is better than the last and my happiness is only marred by the fact that I have to leave him to come home.

So my health is ok and my happiness is soaring - now I just have to hold on to hope - hope that this state will continue, hope that our joint hopes can be achieved and hope that bureaucratic red tape doesn't mess everything up for us. Distance & time zones suck!

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